Who Does What? 3 tips for dividing labor and making peace in your relationship

Relationships aren’t easy, but that doesn’t mean you can’t make your relationship better with one simple change. If you or your partner are constantly nagging the other to do chores around the house, there’s a better way to handle things that will lead to more harmony in your home: learn how to divide household chores without ruining your relationship in the process. 

Who does what?

If you’re both working full-time jobs, who should be responsible for which chores at home? What if only one partner works outside the home? Who cleans the bathroom? Who mows the lawn? Some couples can split all tasks on an equitable basis, but most find it necessary to divide up responsibilities differently from person to person or even from week to week. 

Chores can be a source of contention in relationships. If you have been getting on each other's nerves lately, it might be time to take a break from the day-to-day routine. Take some time to talk about how things are going at home--what is working well, what isn't--and come up with a plan together. 

Here are some guidelines and tips to help you get started today!

1: Identify Your Household Responsibilities

Make a list of all the responsibilities you have in your household, including child care. 

This list should include (1) each responsibilities' name, (2) a brief description of what needs to be done, and (3) when it needs to be done. (3) Name the spouse who wants it done, and (4) rate its importance (use a scale from 0-5, where 0 indicates no importance, and 5 indicates most important).

Adding items each day as you accomplish various tasks or desire to accomplish them will take several days to cover all the bases.

As a task is added to the list, the spouse who wants it done must be named along with their rating of the task's importance. The other spouse must also consider how much they would like it completed. A list containing both spouse's names and importance ratings should accompany each item.

2. Assume Responsibility for Items That You Would Enjoy Doing or Prefer To Do Yourself

Create two new lists, one titled "his responsibilities" and the other titled "her responsibilities." Then select items that you are willing to handle alone. It is a list of tasks you would like to do, don't mind doing, or would like to do yourself. When you've added an item to one of the two new lists, cross it off the original list. If both of you want to be in charge of the same item, you can take turns. It is also possible to divide them arbitrarily between the two of you.

The selections you make must be approved by both of you before they become your final responsibilities. If one of you is unsure about the other's ability to do the job well, you might give each other a trial period. Your spouse should be able to hold you accountable once you take responsibility for any item.

There are now three lists of household responsibilities: (1) for the husband, (2) for the wife, and (3) for those still to be assigned.

We are left with those tasks that neither of you would want to undertake in the first place. These are tasks neither of you wants to complete, but at least one of you believes should be undertaken. The worst part about my recommendation is that these unpleasant responsibilities should be assigned to someone who wants them done most. 

This is a reasonable solution, since taking any other approach would drag the person who doesn't care about them into responsibility.

3. Consider Hiring Help

If chores continue to pile up and remain unfinished, hiring some outside help can lighten your load. Just delegate routine jobs like making the bed, washing the dishes, and vacuuming, while getting someone else to handle chores like cleaning the chandelier, cleaning the oven, and scrubbing the shower. Dividing up the remaining chores will be much easier thanks to this.

This is a solution that is essential for solving household chores conflict. Creating a solution that takes each other's feelings into consideration means thinking through your problem carefully and systematically. If you and your spouse are struggling with division of household labor but you both want an organized, functional, and harmonious home, hiring a relationship coach can help. 

Are you ready to make a change and invested in seeing real results quickly? Reach out today! (909) 846-9743